i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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