I bet he comes in French.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
