There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
