the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
