It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Congratulations! We have a period
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