I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
