I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
