He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
