THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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