I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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