Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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