Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
