college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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