i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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