I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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