before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Randomize
