ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
