Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
