i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
