is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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