as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
