I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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