When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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