I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
