Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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