Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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