trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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