So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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