I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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