Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
