life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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