It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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