My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
