omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
