Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
