Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
