and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You're like the curious george of whores
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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