I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
