Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
