you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
