Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
