TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
