I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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