if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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