**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
