i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
