So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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