wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
