Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
