dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
