as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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