I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
