So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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